Receiving stress release/Burnout recovery/ Trauma sensitive Relationship support is life saving work.
Receiving stress release/Burnout recovery/ Trauma sensitive Relationship support is life saving work.
Providing above support to burned out, exhausted, often undermined, deeply marginalized nonmen is life saving work.
So the folks who have been doing this for me, I appreciate you more than I can express. And I have said as much to you, directly.
Loving yourself unconditionally and co-creating relationships (friendships included) that are a secure, fulfilling, restful, loving haven is life saving work.
I had said to a friend whose partner tended to say dismissive wounding things in anger that he was playing with her life because living is more than just existing.
If you see living as more than simply existence and basic sentience...
If you see living as openhearted engagement with your desires and dreams...
If you see living as being fed by what moves you, offers you joy and fulfillment, helps you grow...
you start seeing exhaustion, chronic stress and emotional/psychological disparagement as corrosive and life damaging/life robbing.
All of that plays with people's lives on the daily.
People in even highly dissatisfying, let alone toxic relationships, are at higher risk of high blood pressure, heart disease and a life expectancy shortened by 10-15 years.
High conflict couples didn't return to the studies the Gottmans were conducting over the course of 2-3 decades, because it turns out these folks were dying early from the impact of chronic stress.
The book The Science of Trust goes into this in great detail.
So whether it's love or work, I refuse to be resigned to the early graves many have ended up in, chronically exhausted and in mourning of what could have been.
It's why when I connected with Ma Kali, the first thing my spiritual bond with her helped me note was not emotions/energy but the charge my body holds around *actual* annihilation from overworking in a chronically ill body.
The first ritual I did in her honour also had to do with my physical body being held in her protection and love.
As a forcibly displaced person who has had to do backbreaking work since 16, hold multiple jobs in university, and keep working day and night in ways more resourced people will never know, whose body is already showing signs (on MRIs) of biological weathering (premature aging) , I have become protective of my body, its sustenance and nourishment as I grow older.
One thing sudden illness at a very young age taught me a few years back was that my body was my world, my most loving, steadfast friend, my guardian, my beloved.
It's why I have high standards in relationships and don't allow behaviour that would cause anything close to chronic relational stress. It's why I am mindful of the impact of my words and actions on my partners' well being, which means their very lives.
I have seen chronic stress snatch too many lives to not take a strong stance against the capitalist, racist, patriarchal neglect and violence that is so normalized in relationships, all kinds of relationships, professional ones too.
I intimately know the health, financial and emotional cost of burnout, of painful damaging relationships, which is why I am as active as I am in burnout recovery, trauma sensitive coaching and as open about these conversations.
It's also why I have spent thousands of dollars on my continued education and training.
Any time I watch one of those videos about industrial waste leaks (researching the Union Carbide Gas Leak that killed thousands in Central India), I think of how cutting corners with ones training as a coach can have a negative impact on clients and community.
Cutting corners on training, on safety, has awful consequences whether you are a chemical/nuclear engineer, a therapist, doctor, lawyer or Relationship coach. During my research, I have pondered, all week, the impact of putting profit ahead of ethics and human lives.
If you are familiar with Enneagram, I am 100% SP first aka Self-Preservation first, so the body, its thriving, wellness and preservation are at the forefront of how I care for myself and the dedication I bring to coaching.
Many clients and I have been talking about these themes and these anecdotes, experiences around chronic stress have shaken me and awakened me to applying the same principles/practices I coach folks on in my own life consistently, to get support and without apology.
I hope you are able to do the same, really prioritize bathing your heart in care, rest, love, attunement, safety and joy, every day, in whatever ways you are able and then expanding from there.
Thanks also to the spirit, soul and work of my Crip/Disabled clients, with whom I share solidarity and commonality of lived experience, who have repeatedly encouraged anticapitalist, disability centering praxis in my own life.
Sending love to everyone reading.
You deserve the world.
