Relationship Coaching

Inevitable Relationship Success:
The Anti-patriarchal, healing Path to Your Most Secure, Loving and Abundant Long Term Relationships

Asooli Coaching offers a set of Private Relationship Coaching programs for coupled and married folks, whether monogamous or non-monogamous.

This coaching is fully customized to the client's individual needs, challenges and goals as well as the challenges, goals, visions and values central to their relationships or marriage. 

I firmly believe in supporting coupled/married folks in multiple stages of their partnership with fully personalized 1:1 private coaching programs, so they can get the individualized support needed to experience their most intimate, loving and secure relationships.

You deserve nourishing love.

Private Coaching with Jay Asooli

Whether you’re recovering from heartbreak, in the midst of dating or in a relationship, Jay has a package meant for you to discover your true self. Click “Download Now” for your free guide and workbook.

deep dive relationship coaching program

  • In your assessment, I will evaluate your challenges, concerns, goals, priorities, values, the resources available to you, key developmental experiences, repeat dating/relationship patterns, sociocultural and political impact of oppression on your living experiences and craft a bespoke coaching plan and personalized Relationship Success Blueprint for you.

    Relationship Discernment Coaching clients will get detailed Blueprints, with action steps and implementable frameworks, and a Self-Care Plan too.

  • Fully personalized, to your needs, challenges and goals, Relationship Success and Self-Care Blueprint that will continue to be updated during the duration of the coaching, so you are left with a permanent, custom resource dedicated to you, your care and your Relationship Success. If needed, I also provide folks burnout recovery support.

    This Living Blueprint is a collaborative process involving custom resources, Blueprint updates and expansion before and after coaching sessions, journaling prompts, worksheets and having my personal coaching and reflections added to the Blueprint, so you can benefit from the feedback long term, to strengthen your relationships, as well as address concerns with more ease and confidence even after coaching has ended.

    Folks who are unsure of the future of their relationships/marriage, or actively considering separation or divorce, receive Blueprints customized for supporting them with the best course of action in their situation, in stepwise fashion, complete with contemplative and somatic healing tools.

    Blueprints are adapted to the needs of folks receiving Relationship Discernment and/or Heartbreak Recovery Coaching.

  • 45-60 minute weekly 1:1 private coaching sessions where you will receive Relationship based coaching with a progressive coaching plan that also addresses any challenges and concerns that come up for you in real time.

    Somatic tools and mindbody healing practices are also a part of my coaching for deeper, more rooted and sustainable healing that will benefit you long term.

    Folks are also able to take gap weeks every couple of weeks for integration purposes, or if they'd like a brief break before continuing after the 3 or 4 month mark. I am very adaptable in this regard.

  • Unlimited Voxer support M-F.

$13,000 Starting; Program can also be customized as a bi-monthly package spread through 9-12 months, as needed.

Note: Less Intensive Bimonthly Relationship Coaching is available, depending on mutual assessment of client needs, goals and circumstances, with program compatibility.

These four and six month bi-monthly program can be discussed further.

Price starting $5500.

VIP Month Deluxe coaching package

  • ONE 90 minute assessment

  • THREE 60 minute coaching sessions held on a weekly basis. 

  • Voxer support in between sessions, with 24 hour response time M-F.

In your assessment, I will evaluate your challenges, concerns, goals, priorities, values, the resources available to you, key developmental experiences, repeat relationship patterns, sociocultural and political impact of oppression on your living experiences and craft a one month targeted coaching plan for you.

It will address 1-2 immediate concerns/challenges in your relationship or marriage, so you can start building healthy practices and foundations promptly .

This package will provide you the healing support, trauma sensitive somatic tools and targeted relational skill building, including boundary work (the foundation),  needed to take deep care of yourself and begin making grounded, firm and nourishing Relationship choices that will support you and your loved ones best. 

$2500

Relationship support can look different when you’re in the early relationship or early marital phase and looking to establish solid relationship foundations, versus when you have been together for a while and are looking to feel more connected, understood, cherished and romantically gratified in your relationship. It looks different still for folks looking to discern future directions for their relationship or marriage.

So, my coaching is designed to meet where you are. It is customized to help you and your relationships grow in your desired, most loving, secure and nourishing direction.

Expand on the descriptions below to learn more.

relationship coaching overview

Whichever stage you are at in your Relationships or whichever configuration your marriage or relationships form, my trauma sensitive, empirically grounded approach will meet you where you are and help you experience the types of high trust, loving, fulfilling and abundant relationships you desire.

If you’d like help with selecting the best program for you, you are welcome to book a free no pressure consultation with me.

Professional Boundaries: Due to maintaining ethical scope of practice as a coach and MBT practitioner, I don't work with folks who are experiencing domestic violence, ongoing infidelity, experiencing or have a partner struggling with active addiction or active suicidality. I do work with folks who are safe and recovering from abusive and toxic relationships, in which case my heartbreak recovery work is better suited to you.

  • I work with couples in the early relationship or early marital phase (being together for three- six months or being newly married the first year to two years, or engaged) who want to establish solid, boundaried, emotionally responsive, secure, pleasurable, anti-patriarchal foundations early, that allow for deep intimacy, radical compassionate authenticity, early and timely conflict repair, and the quality of attunement and trust that are known to make love last long term.

  • II support coupled folks, whether newly together or partnered long-term, who are struggling with resentment, conflict repair, unmet needs and emotional disengagement.

    My coaching is customized to help with these specific (or other) core concerns, so they can be addressed, and where at all possible, resolved in a timely, effective and trauma sensitive manner.

    I, then, help clients restore a healthy couples friendship, cultivate emotional and somatic responsiveness that builds lasting security, safety and fulfillment, as well as implement rituals and practices that facilitate compassionate conflict repair for long term relationship resilience.

    An intentional centering of mutual joy, play and pleasure is a valuable and impactful part of this coaching.

    All of the above is crucial to the Relationship mastery required to restore and maintain relationship health and thriving, particularly for couples looking for repair and reconnection.

  • This is coaching specific to folks who are in the “should I stay or should I go” relationship discernment phase and trying to find clarity on future directions for their marriage or relationship, often while additional considerations like children, elders, jobs and finances present unique challenges.

    I combine this form of discernment style Relationship coaching with my heartbreak recovery work as well, because there can be distress and grief involved here that requires a multiplicity of coaching approaches and modalities.

    The focus here is on the client’s emotional care, well being and healing, with key emphasis on shame, intimacy wounds, self-trust, grief recovery and healthy anger or emotional release.

    The program is designed to help clients reconnect with their intuition, agency and root into their needs and values, all of which results in an ease of clarity and confidence that helps them decide their best course of action, with much less overwhelm, fear and struggle.

    Custom frameworks and guides around everything from navigating separation, where applicable, to creating healthier relational dynamics and reduced hostility, to knowing which discernment metrics to use when determining whether to stay or go are provided in this comprehensive program.

  • I also work with nonmonogamous coupled folks, often newly exploring polyamory and desiring joyful, loving, secure polyamorous relationships.

    I enjoy working with polyam, and broadly nonomogamous, folks looking to co-create emotionally responsive and fulfilling, boundaried, consent-rooted, thriving relationships that bring to life a joyful subversion of oppressive hierarchies and belief systems around ownership, autonomy and intimate power sharing.

    My coaching supports radically authentic, compassionate and resourcing nonmonogamous relationships that prioritize the safety, joy and well being of all parties.

    I feel an affinity with polyam folks as we often navigate love in the backdrop of patriarchal, queerphobic norms that I myself face as a bisexual polyamorous person.

  • Lastly, I customize Relationship maintenance coaching packages for coupled folks who want to hone their existing attunement, intimacy building, boundary maintenance, conflict repair and trigger navigation skills.

    If you want to solidify your existing foundations in couples’ friendship, trust, compassionate truth-telling, commitment, healthy intimacy and connection rituals that keep playful, thrilling romance and vital curiosity alive in your relationships, this program is for you.

    If you’d like to catch and address problems early, so you are equipped to address them long before they develop into the relationship destroying patterns of criticism, intimacy avoidance, disengagement, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt, this program will give you the sturdy, skillful foundation you and your relationship(s) or marriage deserve. .

  • Just Hire Jay

    Hiring Jay is absolutely worth the risk of vulnerability with yourself and being with your actual desires, and the rewards of doing the work, slowing down, and taking the time in a world that tries to bully people into 90 day engagement miracles.

    Hire Jay if you want to date with less turmoil and distress.

    Hire Jay if you never want to date other people again. Hire Jay before you get married. Hire Jay after you get married.

    Just hire her.

    — Client Testimonial —

  • jay's coaching can save women, thousands, sometimes millions of dollars.

    I'd tell [women] investing in working with Jay could've saved them thousands, sometimes millions, of dollars, but also in time and pleasure lost to heartbreak, disrespect, unnecessary tumult, and abdication of their own right to love fully and safely, with someone who is invested in doing the same.

    — Alexis P. Morgan —

  • My relationship has deepened after one session

    What I love about Jay Asooli is that they are so sociopolitically knowledgeable and adept that they bring their whole selves to collaborate with your whole self. After one session with Jay, my relationship with my partner has deepened.

    — Shamaka S.—

  • Jay covered effective communication and trigger navigation

    Jay covered how we could effectively communicate emotional access needs and triggers, before during and after conflict conversations, so these conversations were compassionate and consensual.

    — L. Faunt —

  • I am much more comfortable trusting my partner's love

    “Jay’s coaching helped me to release control and distinguish between intuition and the paranoia caused by past harm. I now lead with self-love, own my needs and wants, set loving boundaries and stand up for myself without falling into people-pleasing.

    I have been pouring into my connection appropriately and am much more comfortable trusting my partner’s love.

    Her recommendations and healing practices on overcoming intimacy fears and trust issues have helped me shift my anxiously attached patterns towards more security, self-love and peace”.
    — Addy M. —

in short, My Relationship coaching is for you if:

1) You are in the early dating phase, have recently gotten engaged or are recently married:

  • You want to establish rock solid relationship foundations by developing and honing your relational skills in healthy interdependence, boundaried intimacy, vulnerability and trust, conflict repair and trigger navigation.

  • You want to create and sustain a thriving couples' friendship with rituals of connection that are best suited to your partnership, experience pleasurable sexual and sensual intimacy and the tender dance of maintaining mystique, play and novelty in your relationships, for long term relationship success.

  • You want to establish above foundations and want to have a powerfully resourcing coaching program on your side supporting you establish these agreements, standards (particularly around household labour, parenting and finances, all of which are key concerns that lead to relationship collapse), boundaries and skill building now, so you can benefit from your commitment for years to come.

2) You want to learn how to repair trust ruptures (excluding abuse and ongoing infidelity) and conflict in a timely manner to support long term relationship success:

  • You want to address and release resentment and patterns of criticism, reactivity and defensiveness and/or feeling unheard, invisible and insignificant in your relationships because of people-pleasing and losing sight of your own needs.

  • If your attachment styles seem to clash, my Relationship coaching can help you navigate these differences with more compassion, curiosity and care, so you can build a secure, abundant relationship as a team.

3) You are looking to determine if you should stay or go:

  • You would like to receive dedicated, professional and compassionate support around navigating one of the most important decisions any person will make in their life, which is the decision regarding “Should I stay or go?” and determining the future of your marriage or long term relationship.

  • If you are looking for actionable insight and support on moving through this challenging situation with care and your well being and that of your loved ones front and centre, my coaching is for you.

  • I will cover everything from feeling more safe and secure within yourself, to decision making aligned with your long term success in and out of your relationship(s) or marriage, to the safe and skilled navigation of conflict, grief and turbulence in the process.

  • Whether you are unsure about challenging conversations with your partner/spouse or your children, with their safety and well being at the forefront, my coaching will support you fully, so you can experience peace and ease as you chart your path ahead to greater health, joy and satisfaction.

4) You are polyam/nonmonogamous and looking for your most liberatory, fulfilling, secure relationships.

  • You are looking for a trauma sensitive, polyam, queer coach who works with a systemic and attachment sensitive lens, so you can feel heard, seen and be actively supported with navigating your unique challenges with empirically validated forms of relationship support.

  • I have coached folks on everything from conflict repair in polyam contexts to healing trust ruptures and navigating polyam break ups to NRE related challenges like jealousy and struggles with abandonment wounding to navigating consent and equitable relationships and, finally, codependency, perfectionism and people-pleasing recovery as polyam folks.

  • Whether you've been polyam for a while or are considering opening up your marriage or relationship, I can support you experience deeply healing, radical, secure and pleasurable relationships.


5) You are interested in maintaining and growing solid, high trust, intimate, loving foundations in your relationship/marriage:

  • You have built or are building and reinforcing solid relational foundations in your relationship or marriage.

  • You want an expert Relationship coach working with you to notice your blind spots and pinpoint not just areas of growth and healing but how exactly to go about this individual and interpersonal healing, so you can prevent or work to spot and resolve, in a timely manner, harmful relationship patterns from unbridled anger to people-pleasing to stonewalling and intimacy avoidance, long before they become chronically corrosive to your marriage or relationships.

  • On average, folks seek help 6-7 years too late.

  • Relationship coaching that maximizes the impact of your existing healing and skillset, while reducing your chances of slipping into unhealthy, self-sabotaging patterns, particularly the ones that have challenged you in the past and may make a resurgence when intimacy and vulnerability are deepening, so your relationship(s) receive the key foundational support to reward you in joy, connection, pleasure and intimacy for years to come.

My Relationship coaching isn't for you if:

1) You are experiencing domestic violence or currently experiencing post separation abuse.  My clients who have safely exited the relationship and are under the care of a therapist, or other clinical mental health practitioner qualified to support them, work with me in heartbreak recovery coaching instead.

2) You are not interested in relational skill building and want quick overnight results. You are unwilling to consider relationships are an ongoing process of intentional learning, growth, connection and repair.

3)You don't feel you need or want an empirically grounded approach to coaching and healing. My coaching is founded in decades of research by leaders in the field of Relationship research, intimacy and conflict repair such as the Gottmans, Susan Johnson, Esther Perel, Stan Tatkin, Jules Shore, Janina Fisher, Carol Gilligan, to name a few core influences. 

4) You are invested in polarity or masculinity/femininity based gender binarist coaching and uninterested in expanding past its limitations.

5) You are unwilling to evaluate areas in which growth, healing and skill building would benefit your own greatest well being as well as your relationship(s) or marriage.  My work is compassion and solutions centered. Valid complaints and anger aside, repeated contemptuous or derogatory venting about partners in coaching sessions is not a good fit for my services.

FAQ

  • Therapy is a clinical mental health service aimed at the treatment and management of trauma as well as mental health conditions such as prolonged grief, depression and anxiety. It can also help you address stress from job changes, moves and navigate relationship conflicts and other day to day concerns that impact your emotional and mental well being.

    Trauma sensitive coaching does not provide clinical or medical treatment. It does not treat trauma and mental health conditions. It is a form of coaching that requires an awareness of how trauma impacts individuals.

    For this reason, my coaching focuses on designing and implementing coaching containers with clear, ethical, consensual boundaries, so challenging emotions, grief, oppression and triggers can be navigated with safety and care.

    It also requires that, as a coach, I remain aware of my ethical scope of practice, know my limits and limitations, so I can responsibly refer clients to address certain matters in therapy, for their greatest well being and safety.

    The focus of my trauma sensitive, empirically grounded Relationship coaching leans more in the direction of relational mindbody healing, emotional skill building, based on the latest research in attachment science and marital/Relationship success, implementable action plans on everything from skillfully reviewing compatibility in potential matches to offline/online dating to boundaries and consent work in the context of healing shame, intimacy and trust wounds, to equip folks for healthy, secure, long term relationships.

    Trauma sensitive, oppression aware coaching is an excellent adjunct to therapy, but it is not a substitute for the same.

    For a deeper dive into this query, have a look at this brilliant testimonial from my client reflecting on the distinction between therapy and my trauma sensitive coaching services:

    “Jay is like an incredibly skilled physical therapist working in conjunction with you and your physician (psychotherapist) to further your goals and provide expert guidance and interventions, far beyond what you could get from a trainer at your local gym (your average relationship or lifestyle coach).

    She understands the anatomy of the Self and relationships, provides in-depth analysis of your current (dys)functional patterns, and creates a finely tuned strengthening program with one-on-one support over several months to assist your healing and growth.

    Like any good physical therapist, she would never claim to replace your doctor, but she's able to reinforce and expand on the plan of care you are already doing and bring her wisdom and insight into your condition to allow you to progress towards true healing. Most of all, she strives to help you understand your Self and your body better and give you tools and techniques to keep yourself safe, strong, and free to move with joy long after you have finished your plan of care with her”.”

  • My clients have recovered from high conflict divorces and infidelity trauma.

    They have released cycles of toxic and unfulfilling relationships, developed more security within themselves and experienced more secure, joyful long term relationships, after struggling for years with serious trust issues and intimacy fears.

    Clients have also reported experiencing major reductions in their RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) symptoms while dating as Neurodiverse femmes, and they have recovered from professional and relational burnout.

    My coupled clients have successfully resolved long standing resentments and conflicts with their partners, healed maternal wounding and recovered from covert abuse, negging and various forms of patriarchal harm.

    They have gone on on to marry the loves of their lives and so much more.

    Yes I have several lush and detailed testimonials on my website and Facebook group.

    https://jayasooli.com/reviews-2-2

  • No, you don't need to be actively dating to benefit from my Dating based coaching. I work with single and coupled folks, monogamous and polyam folks.

    A lot of dating based coaching is fundamentally about the foundations of loving, secure, skillful and compassionate Relationship building.

    Like some of my clients, if you start this work even before you begin dating, you will navigate dating from an already sturdy foundation in key skills and capacities.

    So whether you are actively dating or not, my coaching will meet you exactly where you are and wish to go.

  • I have never had a client that considered themselves unsuccessful or that I consider unsuccessful. But some themes which make coaching more challenging is a tendency towards excessive blame and resisting gentle self-reflection. Having very deeply entrenched patriarchal views about gender roles and masculine/feminine polarity can also pose a challenge if folks are unwilling to consider what my anti-patriarchal, trauma sensitive, empirically rooted coaching has to offer.

  • You need to evaluate and see if you can safely invest in coaching financially and emotionally.

    You need to look for alignment between your needs and goals and the coach's methodology, results and values.

    But coaching decisions are not always a full bodied yes for everyone.

    For some, particularly women/nonmen, coaching means investing in their own personal well being and relationships for the first time.

    Often this is after a lifetime of prioritizing everyone but themselves. This can cause profound discomfort.

    For some, investing in Relationship coaching means challenging patriarchal capitalist paradigms about the value and impact of the feminized care work Relationship coaching and support provides.

    In a world where productivity and profit are prioritized over ones well being and relationship health, investing in Relationship coaching can be uncomfortable even if life changing as my many client testimonials affirm.

    So discomfort with investing in coaching or the absence of a full bodied yes may not mean you shouldn't receive coaching. It means you need to see if investing in this service is beyond your financial capacity or just beyond your comfort zone.

    And even if coaching is a full bodied immediate yes for you, I still recommend sitting with coach-client alignment on values, coaching methodologies and overall personal or intuitive resonance before investing.

  • My coaching is fully anti-patriachal, pro BIPOC, pro-queer, pro-fat, pro-disabled, spoonie and chronically ill folks.

    I am also committed to providing coaching that is trauma sensitive and empirically grounded in everything from affective neuroscience to attachment science and research by leaders in the field of Marital/Relationship success and trauma sensitive healing such as the Gottmans, Stan Tatkin, Carol Gilligan, Alexandra Solomon, Susan Johnson, Janina Fisher, Christine Caldwell, Sherry Harrell, Bonnie Badendoch, Deidre Fay and Tara Brach to name a few key influences.

    I hold multiple trauma informed certifications, including the acclaimed year long Mindbody Therapeutic Practitioner (MBT) program where I studied under a diverse faculty specializing in trauma recovery, Buddhist healing practices and multicultural somatic psychology.

    I am also enrolled in Tara Brach's highly regarded Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Program (2 years long), aimed at personal and collective healing of shame, intimacy wounds, anxiety, grief and trauma using relational mindfulness training, practices and tools.

    My training and experience are extensive, to the point my coaching is described as industry disrupting and as bringing the Relationship coaching scene back into integrity with my work.

    I am a deeply marginalized person myself and make every effort to provide services that are anti-oppressive, trauma sensitive and highly professional.

    I want, my often multiply marginalized clients, to experience the best I can offer and nothing less.

  • While I try to offer private coaching at various price points and payment plans, my rates are firmly non negotiable. We can discuss the possibility of customizing a program for you. But my stated and quoted rates are not up for debate.

    This is a boundary I hold very firmly.

  • Outside my scope of practice:

    1)Folks experiencing ongoing infidelity.

    2) Folks experiencing domestic violence and post separation abuse.

    3) Folks experiencing active addiction and/or with partners experiencing the same.

    4)Folks experiencing mental health crises.

    Folks I prefer not to work with:

    1) If you are not enthusiastically anti-patriarchal, antiracist, pro-queer, pro-trans, pro-fat, pro-disabled folks, I am not the coach for you. 


    2)If you expect overnight results from coaching. I am not the coach for you. My work is known for long term impact, which takes practice. Even though folks have described even single sessions with me as life changing, please be aware like coaching, healing is a process. You need to be gentle with yourself, and give yourself space plus time to grow.

    My work is not the get rich quick scheme of the Dating/Relationship/Heartbreak Recovery coaching world.

  • Yes, I do. I offer payment plans for all my services.

    I am also open to multiply marginalized BIPOC folks proposing payment plans that work better for them.

  • Group coaching programs can be very supportive, however they don't offer the level and depth of customized, fully private and dedicated to you support that you find in my 1:1 coaching.

    That said, I fully agree that group coaching environments offer validation, camraderie, community and belonging. All of this is deeply healing. So my clients have access to my small, intimate, heavily vetted Facebook group, where I am very active and answer all queries personally and in depth. My community also has some of the warmest, kindest, most loving women/nonmen, so you will be held in love and comfort in this space. You are welcome to answer questions, share experiences and reflections, just connect with the community.

    I am also working on starting a small group membership-type program open only to current and past clients. Keep watching this space for more updates.

  • I work with coupled folks, people who are partnered or married.

    But I don’t work with couples (both or more parties) at this time.

  • My deep dive private 1:1 coaching packages are my most intensive, most sought after programs, designed for long term positive impact.

    Due to the comprehensive nature of my programs, and the specific focus on long-term shifts, which requires more in depth coaching, supporting materials, practices and tools, I have learned that six months is the perfect length for such intimate, involved coaching and the sustainable results my work is known for.

    Whether you are dating, in a relationship or in heartbreak recovery, a dedicated to you, half a year program gives you the access, training and space holding it takes to experience sustainable healing and relationship fulfillment & resilience long term.

    However, there are times, such as when the client’s goals aren’t focused as much on the long term but a few core immediate concerns, when I may recommend a shorter program.

    Either way I make it a point to only recommend programs that are best for the client’s needs and visions.

  • I coach Black, Indigenous and other Men of Colour.