Radical dating coaching

Therapy is a clinical mental health service aimed at the treatment and management of trauma as well as mental health conditions such as prolonged grief, depression and anxiety. It can also help you address stress from job changes, moves and navigate relationship conflicts and other day to day concerns that impact your emotional and mental well being.

Trauma sensitive coaching does not provide clinical or medical treatment. It does not treat trauma and mental health conditions. It is a form of coaching that requires an awareness of how trauma impacts individuals.

For this reason, my coaching focuses on designing and implementing coaching containers with clear, ethical, consensual boundaries, so challenging emotions, grief, oppression and triggers can be navigated with safety and care.

It also requires that, as a coach, I remain aware of my ethical scope of practice, know my limits and limitations, so I can responsibly refer clients to address certain matters in therapy, for their greatest well being and safety.

The focus of my trauma sensitive, empirically grounded Relationship coaching leans more in the direction of relational mindbody healing, emotional skill building, based on the latest research in attachment science and marital/Relationship success, implementable action plans on everything from skillfully reviewing compatibility in potential matches to offline/online dating to boundaries and consent work in the context of healing shame, intimacy and trust wounds, to equip folks for healthy, secure, long term relationships.

Trauma sensitive, oppression aware coaching is an excellent adjunct to therapy, but it is not a substitute for the same.

For a deeper dive into this query, have a look at this brilliant testimonial from my client reflecting on the distinction between therapy and my trauma sensitive coaching services:

“Jay is like an incredibly skilled physical therapist working in conjunction with you and your physician (psychotherapist) to further your goals and provide expert guidance and interventions, far beyond what you could get from a trainer at your local gym (your average relationship or lifestyle coach).

She understands the anatomy of the Self and relationships, provides in-depth analysis of your current (dys)functional patterns, and creates a finely tuned strengthening program with one-on-one support over several months to assist your healing and growth.

Like any good physical therapist, she would never claim to replace your doctor, but she's able to reinforce and expand on the plan of care you are already doing and bring her wisdom and insight into your condition to allow you to progress towards true healing. Most of all, she strives to help you understand your Self and your body better and give you tools and techniques to keep yourself safe, strong, and free to move with joy long after you have finished your plan of care with her”.”

My clients have recovered from high conflict divorces and infidelity trauma.

They have released cycles of toxic and unfulfilling relationships, developed more security within themselves and experienced more secure, joyful long term relationships, after struggling for years with serious trust issues and intimacy fears.

Clients have also reported experiencing major reductions in their RSD (Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria) symptoms while dating as Neurodiverse femmes, and they have recovered from professional and relational burnout.

My coupled clients have successfully resolved long standing resentments and conflicts with their partners, healed maternal wounding and recovered from covert abuse, negging and various forms of patriarchal harm.

They have gone on on to marry the loves of their lives and so much more.

Yes I have several lush and detailed testimonials on my website and Facebook group.

https://jayasooli.com/reviews-2-2

No, you don't need to be actively dating to benefit from my Dating based coaching. I work with single and coupled folks, monogamous and polyam folks.

A lot of dating based coaching is fundamentally about the foundations of loving, secure, skillful and compassionate Relationship building.

Like some of my clients, if you start this work even before you begin dating, you will navigate dating from an already sturdy foundation in key skills and capacities.

So whether you are actively dating or not, my coaching will meet you exactly where you are and wish to go.

I have never had a client that considered themselves unsuccessful or that I consider unsuccessful.

But some themes which make coaching more challenging is a tendency towards excessive blame and resisting gentle self-reflection.

Having very deeply entrenched patriarchal views about gender roles and masculine/feminine polarity can also pose a challenge if folks are unwilling to consider what my anti-patriarchal, trauma sensitive, empirically rooted coaching has to offer.

You need to evaluate and see if you can safely invest in coaching financially and emotionally.

You need to look for alignment between your needs and goals and the coach's methodology, results and values.

But coaching decisions are not always a full bodied yes for everyone.

For some, particularly women/nonmen, coaching means investing in their own personal well being and relationships for the first time.

Often this is after a lifetime of prioritizing everyone but themselves. This can cause profound discomfort.

For some, investing in Relationship coaching means challenging patriarchal capitalist paradigms about the value and impact of the feminized care work Relationship coaching and support provides.

In a world where productivity and profit are prioritized over ones well being and relationship health, investing in Relationship coaching can be uncomfortable even if life changing as my many client testimonials affirm.

So discomfort with investing in coaching or the absence of a full bodied yes may not mean you shouldn't receive coaching. It means you need to see if investing in this service is beyond your financial capacity or just beyond your comfort zone.

And even if coaching is a full bodied immediate yes for you, I still recommend sitting with coach-client alignment on values, coaching methodologies and overall personal or intuitive resonance before investing.

My coaching is fully anti-patriachal, pro BIPOC, pro-queer, pro-fat, pro-disabled, spoonie and chronically ill folks.

I am also committed to providing coaching that is trauma sensitive and empirically grounded in everything from affective neuroscience to attachment science and research by leaders in the field of Marital/Relationship success and trauma sensitive healing such as the Gottmans, Stan Tatkin, Carol Gilligan, Alexandra Solomon, Susan Johnson, Janina Fisher, Christine Caldwell, Sherry Harrell, Bonnie Badendoch, Deidre Fay and Tara Brach to name a few key influences.

I hold multiple trauma informed certifications, including the acclaimed year long Mindbody Therapeutic Practitioner (MBT) program where I studied under a diverse faculty specializing in trauma recovery, Buddhist healing practices and multicultural somatic psychology.

I am also enrolled in Tara Brach's highly regarded Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Program (2 years long), aimed at personal and collective healing of shame, intimacy wounds, anxiety, grief and trauma using relational mindfulness training, practices and tools.

My training and experience are extensive, to the point my coaching is described as industry disrupting and as bringing the Relationship coaching scene back into integrity with my work.

I am a deeply marginalized person myself and make every effort to provide services that are anti-oppressive, trauma sensitive and highly professional.

I want, my often multiply marginalized clients, to experience the best I can offer and nothing less.

While I try to offer private coaching at various price points and with flexible payment plans, my rates are non negotiable. This is a boundary I hold.

We can, however, discuss the possibility of customizing a new program for you.

Outside my scope of practice:

1) Folks experiencing ongoing infidelity.

2) Folks experiencing domestic violence and post separation abuse.

3) Folks experiencing active addiction and/or with partners experiencing the same.

4) Folks experiencing mental health crises.

Folks I prefer not to work with:

1) If you are not enthusiastically anti-patriarchal, antiracist, pro-queer, pro-trans, pro-fat, pro-disabled folks, I am not the coach for you.

2) If you expect overnight results from coaching, I am not the coach for you.

My work is known for long term impact, which takes practice, skill building, time, grace.

Even though folks have described even single sessions with me as life changing, please be aware like coaching, healing is a process.

You need to be gentle with yourself. You need to give yourself space and time to grow.

My work is not the get rich quick scheme of the Dating/Relationship/Heartbreak Recovery coaching world.

Yes, I do. I offer payment plans for all my services.

I am also open to multiply marginalized BIPOC folks proposing payment plans that work better for them.

Group coaching programs can be very supportive, however they don't offer the level and depth of customized, fully private and dedicated to you support that you find in my 1:1 coaching.

That said, I fully agree that group coaching environments offer validation, camraderie, community and belonging. All of this is deeply healing. So my clients have access to my small, intimate, heavily vetted Facebook group, where I am very active and answer all queries personally and in depth.

My community also has some of the warmest, kindest, most loving women/nonmen, so you will be held in love and comfort in this space. You are welcome to answer questions, share experiences and reflections, just connect with the community.

I am also working on starting a small group membership-type program open only to current and past clients. Keep watching this space for more updates.

I work with coupled folks, people who are partnered or married.

But I don’t work with couples (both or more parties) at this time.

My deep dive private 1:1 coaching packages are my most intensive, most sought after programs, designed for long term positive impact in a secure, healing, fulfilling directions in your relationships. .

Due to the comprehensive nature of my programs, and the specific focus on long-term shifts, which requires more in depth coaching, supporting materials, practices and tools, I have learned that six months is the required length to bring about the kind of lasting healing, in shame, intimacy and trust wounds, that leads to healthy, joyful, resilient long term relationships.

When it comes to breakup and divorce recovery, the coaching is high touch and involved to help folks heal deeply and navigate the complexity of grief, abandonment, loss, shame, and where applicable, the high stress of divorce, the changing financial landscape and other practical aspects of rebuilding lives as single folks and solo parents.

It can take folks 18 months (or longer)to recover from divorce and the breakdown of long term relationships.

Having dedicated support for six month strengthens and capacitates folks for full, safe recovery. So the deep dive programs are designed accordingly.

Whether you are dating, in a relationship or in heartbreak recovery, a dedicated to you, six month nourishing program, gives you the access, training, coaching and space holding it takes to experience sustainable healing and relationship fulfillment & resilience long term.

However, there are times, such as when the client’s needs aren’t focused as much on the long term but a few core immediate dating or relationship concerns, when I may recommend a shorter program.

Either way I make it a point to only recommend programs that are best for the client’s needs, challenges and goals.

Yes, I work with Black, Indigenous and other men of colour.