My coaching focus is on the client’s emotional well being and secure self-relationship, so they can establish emotional grounding, clarity and intuitive confidence in themselves, often after years of shame, self-doubt and the pain of unmet needs. This is how they are supported in making crucial decisions regarding the future of their marriage or relationships, from a place of emotional resourcing and nervous system capacitation, rather than fear, overwhelm and scarcity.

My work also addresses the pragmatic, day to day, concerns ranging from conflict navigation during these uncertain times to actionable steps on how to get “unstuck” in your decision making using contemplative and somatic tools, how to arrange a team of professional advisors to support you abundantly in and beyond the discernment process, and how to hold challenging conversations with your partner(s) and children (such as sharing the decision or news of relationship loss or divorce) without guilt and overwhelm. Where applicable, co-parenting boundaries and changing family and cohabitation dynamics are also addressed in coaching.

Finally in this program, I support clients with simple, straightforward research based frameworks on how to discern whether your relationship or marriage can and should be salvaged, plus how to move forward in either case.

Core program features and results

• I help clients hone their core relational skills like navigating disagreement, difference, triggers and conflict, which are particularly important in discernment scenarios, and rediscover their core needs and prioritize them, even if not all of these can be met in the relationship itself.
  I support clients reconnect with the fullness of their identity, values and dreams beyond the relationship, and so find the clarity they are seeking about their next steps, with more ease and much less overwhelm and second guessing.

• I also support folks with discernment metrics and discovering if it would be worth their time and well being to stay and work on a relationship, and when it is worth the work, I support them with conflict repair, emotional healing and reconnection.

• When clients determine they’d like to separate, break up or divorce, I support them with personalized healing practices, healthy boundaries, and the emotional and nervous system resourcing needed to navigate separation, break ups or divorce. Although I do not offer any legal or financial advice or counsel.
  My heartbreak recovery coaching comes in here, as well, for shame and grief healing.
  Examples of the boundary work I have done with clients includes supporting them with co-parenting boundaries, cohabitation boundaries to allow healthy space while living under the same roof, internal and external boundaries to deescalate conflict, reduce hostility and allow for more cooperative communication.

• I have also helped clients with step by step action plans and steps to establishing a care team of professionals such as lawyers, finance and coparenting experts, bodyworkers/healers, rather than feeling they had to figure everything out themselves. This often helps antidote the isolation and disempowerment you can may feel in this stage.

All of the above is also why my coaching uses a mix of trauma sensitive, research based, approaches to help you determine whether your relationship is safe and generative to restore, and if so, how to do that by healing unhealthy patterns and gaining as well as improving your core relational skills, while being clear on what progress and healing would look like in your relationship so you aren’t waiting indefinitely on improvement.

1. You do this with your boundaries intact, which means experiencing gains in intimacy, trust and joy in your relationship(s), without coaching or playing therapist to your partner.

   I thoroughly support clients with evaluating the quality and commitment of a partner’s participation and the sustainability of their efforts (short lived changes as opposed to the behaviour of partners involved in long term improvement), particularly for women/nonmen who are with cismen, and their overall relationship satisfaction, so the decisions they make about their relationships are solidly grounded in the reality of their bond, rather than familiar patterns of ungrounded fantasy relating, abandonment wounding and betting on potential.

2. To reiterate, the second way I help folks, while centering their own intuitive discernment and wisdom, is with determining the best course of action if their relationship or marriage is not in a place where it can or should be salvaged, as well as healing paths forward that combine my Relationship discernment coaching with heartbreak and burnout recovery.

   My service is customized to provide a comprehensive, deeply nourishing coaching container during a stressful, difficult time, so your grief, abandonment, intimacy and shame wounds can receive care and healing support, to help you fully recover and rebuild your life, as well as build your future relationships from a healing, sturdy foundation rather than from the wound of unresolved heartbreak and the same destructive patterns that have sabotaged your confidence, well being and previous relationships.

Who Relationship Discernment Coaching is for:

This form of coaching is helpful for folks who are considering leaving, unsure of what to do or are invested in reconnection and repair with a partner who is feeling ambiguous but is willing to put in some effort. It is not suitable for folks who are invested in repairing and restoring with a partner who has decided to leave the relationship or marriage.

As this coaching can be complex and multi-layered, my combination of approaches, modalities, practices and tools would depend on your specific situation.

asooli coaching approach and benefits:

I will craft a deeply supportive, step wise plan and coaching program that is fully customized to your needs, challenges and goals with this crucial life decision and process.

My coaching will not just clarify which exact discernment metrics you need to identify and hold firm boundaries around and what specifically needs to be assessed to determine the best course of action for you, your children and loved ones, I will then gently support you to follow through on your decision without overwhelm and the self-doubt folks often face.

This way you can be assured you are not feeling stuck in overwhelm and anxiety or settling for a dissatisfactory, one sided or toxic relationship or marriage.

Asooli coaching helps clients with developing a deeply nourishing, solid relationship with themselves and with growing in the key self-tending and relational skills needed to emotionally re-engage after disconnection, navigate and ease resentment, and heal ruptured trust when it is safe to do so, while being effectively boundaried and connected (with your inner guidance and your partner) in this process.

And it resources clients with recovering the self-trust needed to walk away when that is the best course of action.

Here, please know if a marriage/relationship is toxic or chronically dissatisfactory without improvement, my focus is not on helping with “fixing” it, which would be unethical, but supporting you heal shame and intimacy wounds, heal the grief you are experiencing and navigate challenging emotional and mental states such as shame, guilt, anger, resentment and anxiety with more self-compassion and resourcing, so you can feel safe, embodied (connected with your body’s wisdom and power) and confident when making the best possible decisions for yourself and your loved ones.

So when folks determine it is best to exit a relationship, my combination of Heartbreak and Burnout recovery expertise provides necessary support with getting through this challenging but life saving process, given the impact of chronic relational stress on our bodies.

If you are looking for Relationship Discernment and/or Heartbreak Recovery coaching, my services can be fully customized to meet your needs and requirements. I would love to hear from you and explore how I may support you in the best possible way.

Book a no obligation, no pressure call with me to explore how I can best support you.